IN RESPONSE: MY LIFE AS AN INTROVERT

I've decided to start a new column on my blog. I often read blog posts, articles, e-books, etc. that really get me thinking or get my creative juices flowing and I just want to talk about them! Sure I have my inspiration notebook to write down my thoughts on the subjects, but I'd like to share those thoughts. So I now present to you the "In Response" column. Basically I'll take a post to respond to topics or questions asked in things I read.

The post I read that really pushed me to start this column was by Allie Lehman of Be Up and Doing. She gave a really great post about her struggles with being introverted and as I read I just thought to myself "Yes, yes, yes!!" and I had to respond. But as I try to collect my thoughts, I'm having a really hard time saying what's on my mind and I must give Allie major props for expressing her feelings so well!

I've been an introvert for as long as I can remember, though I may not have always know there was a word for it. I've never had a large group of friends and parties often made me feel uncomfortable and even lonely. I have always been independent, avoiding group projects when possible and never doing homework with my friends. While I never thought any of that was strange or hard, I found it particularly difficult when my church leaders, teachers, and even parents taught me to be bold, social, and surround yourself with friends. I always felt like they were telling me that being quiet and solitary was wrong and to be successful I had to be bold and social. I felt guilty for being the way I was and I felt overwhelmed with all the things I wasn't. I wasn't outgoing, I wasn't aggressive, I wasn't gregarious.

Much more than feeling guilty, I felt rude. My first year of college, the last thing I wanted to do after a long day of classes and work was hang out with people. Since I loved being at home alone, I was never the type of friend to call you up twice a week to hang out which I suspect in some cases made others feel bad. I'm simply not the type of person to put myself out there and call a friend when I'm already comfortable doing what I'm doing. At parties and social gatherings I would get headaches after a while. I would feel drained and exhausted when socializing and small talk in particular stressed me out. It wasn't that the people were exhausting, quite the contrary. I truly enjoyed the company of my friends and family and would be sociable and happy while with them (for the amount of time my head could handle it), but the anxiety beforehand and the exhaustion afterwards made the idea of socializing scary instead of exciting. 

In the two years that I've lived in Utah, I can count on my hands the number of friends I am comfortable with and I'm okay with that. Luckily I got married to a man who not only understands me, he is very much like me and would love to spend his time at home alone with me. I think he may have turned me even more introverted!

Then I was just browsing around Pinterest when I found this blog post that completely described me. I felt like I finally understood myself! Since then, I've been studying up on introversion in hopes of better understanding myself and the way I work. No more guilt. No more feeling rude. In fact, I'm pretty proud of being an introvert.  But I noticed something as I studied introversion- I started to resent extroverts. It's their fault that I had to struggle my way through group projects in school. It's their fault I felt rude for not going to wild parties. It's their fault I felt guilty for the better part of my current lifespan.  

But that's not fair. It's not anyone's fault. So rather than feel guilty or blame others, I decided to change the way I act and think.

1. Admitting it is always the first step, right? Well here I am admitting it to all of you. Time to admit it to more people, though. I just have to remember that unlike admitting an addiction or crime, being an introvert isn't a bad thing!

2. As an introvert, I would rather talk about something deep than do small talk. If the small talk is making me uncomfortable, I will strike up a conversation that I will want to be a part of rather than walking away or avoiding the situation altogether.

3. I will not avoid social gatherings. Instead I will go and stay for the time that I am comfortable and happy. While I am there, I make sure my friends are aware that I value their friendship.

4. I loved Allie's plans for protecting her alone time, something we introverts need a lot of. I will make the most of and be very intentional with my time. I'll make sure to plan ahead for social activities and the anxiety and exhaustion that will come along with it.

5. I will do my best to help others understand the way I work so as to avoid offending anyone. I don't want to make my friends and family feel unloved, but I don't want to overwhelm myself by attempting to be someone I think they might want me to be. Instead I can help them understand who I am and show my love for them in my own way.

6. I will do my best to understand others and try to work with them in the way they work. I can't expect everyone to cater to my introverted needs so there will be times (many, I'm sure) that I will have to put myself out there and be uncomfortable and that's okay. I may, at times, have to cater to the extroverts and that's okay!

It's still not easy being an introvert in a seemingly extrovert dominant world. There are days that I hide in the bathroom at work just to be alone for a minute and I do still need a pep talk before anything social. Some still think I'm a snob and I sometimes still feel like I have offended others with my actions (or inactions). I just learn to roll with it and remember that some might not get it. But in the meantime, I'm always trying to help others understand while I make an effort to understand everyone else.

Are you an introvert or an extrovert? Have you ever had a hard time interacting with others because of it?

If you are an introvert too, you may like this amazing TED talk! And be sure to check out Allie's awesome post!